(no subject)
Her dreams, her memories... they're getting worse. Where before, she remembered fragments - an alley, a bright bloom of blood on someone's chest, a scream - images, mostly detached from anything too intense. But they're longer, harder to tell from reality. Instead of quick flashes, she's getting lost in them, forgetting where she is for minutes at a time before her past deposits her back into the present.
It's terrifying. Terror is not a feeling she's supposed to have context for. She thinks, for the first time in weeks, that she really is just breaking down, fracturing without Hydra to fit the pieces of her mind back together into their mold.
The third time it happens is worse than anything before. She's keeping an eye on Wilson, hidden comfortably in a crowd, and someone puts their hand on her shoulder, and she's just not there anymore. She's in a room instead, brightly lit in a way that makes her head hurt to see, and someone's gripping her shoulders, holding her in place. She's terrified, she knows what's coming and it hurts and words keep falling out of her mouth, words like no and please over and over again, a mantra that doesn't do her any good because they strap her down anyway and give her another injection.
- And then she's in the crowd again, people with their hands on her, asking if she's all right, saying they've called 911 and can she breathe okay? She just tears through them, shaking and lost and barely holding onto her knowledge of where she is (2014, it's 2014 and she is not the Winter Soldier, not Hydra's test subject anymore).
It's terrifying. Terror is not a feeling she's supposed to have context for. She thinks, for the first time in weeks, that she really is just breaking down, fracturing without Hydra to fit the pieces of her mind back together into their mold.
The third time it happens is worse than anything before. She's keeping an eye on Wilson, hidden comfortably in a crowd, and someone puts their hand on her shoulder, and she's just not there anymore. She's in a room instead, brightly lit in a way that makes her head hurt to see, and someone's gripping her shoulders, holding her in place. She's terrified, she knows what's coming and it hurts and words keep falling out of her mouth, words like no and please over and over again, a mantra that doesn't do her any good because they strap her down anyway and give her another injection.
- And then she's in the crowd again, people with their hands on her, asking if she's all right, saying they've called 911 and can she breathe okay? She just tears through them, shaking and lost and barely holding onto her knowledge of where she is (2014, it's 2014 and she is not the Winter Soldier, not Hydra's test subject anymore).
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(no subject)
Even when she's out of SHIELD medical, they still insist she talk to someone. A therapist. Steph isn't all that impressed with the idea, but she has to admit that the lady they set her up with is nice. Doesn't treat Steph like she's made of glass or about to crack, just asks some questions easily about what she liked to do. By the end of her hour, she had a notebook with some recommendations of things she ought to try in it. One of them was having a look around for some art classes she could take, community things. It'd give her something she likes to do and help her make some connections in the current decade.
She's just found a class to sit in on, a nice mix of adults doing some still life studies, when there's a crash and the building just... falls apart. SHIELD still hasn't properly gone over her limits yet, figured out what she can lift and how fast she can run and for how long, all that sort of thing. She still doesn't know, but she's got an idea now that she's fast enough and strong enough to pull a few people out of the way of a section of the ceiling that collapses over them.
Steph isn't a hero, not really, but SHIELD - back when it was new and just getting onto its feet with Howard and Peggy at the helm - taught her a few things. And her medical knowledge might be about 60 years out of date, but she knows enough to figure that everyone's well enough to get out of the building under their own power, especially when she swings a desk at the window and makes them a new emergency exit.
A few more rooms are cleared out pretty much the same way, with the people who can move okay helping the ones who can't, when she comes across the giant robot that shook the building apart. And, well, she says a few words Sarah Rogers wouldn't have approved of. It's not something she'd want to take on, but it's still going crazy and the direction its headed is leading it right towards a classroom she knows is filled with terrified kids.
Hell, she's gotten into fights she couldn't win for worse reasons. It takes her only a few seconds to find something big enough that, when she throws it at the thing, it makes a dent and grabs its attention.
"I don't know if there's anyone in there or not, but you're causing some real problems here, and I can't allow that to keep happening."
She's just found a class to sit in on, a nice mix of adults doing some still life studies, when there's a crash and the building just... falls apart. SHIELD still hasn't properly gone over her limits yet, figured out what she can lift and how fast she can run and for how long, all that sort of thing. She still doesn't know, but she's got an idea now that she's fast enough and strong enough to pull a few people out of the way of a section of the ceiling that collapses over them.
Steph isn't a hero, not really, but SHIELD - back when it was new and just getting onto its feet with Howard and Peggy at the helm - taught her a few things. And her medical knowledge might be about 60 years out of date, but she knows enough to figure that everyone's well enough to get out of the building under their own power, especially when she swings a desk at the window and makes them a new emergency exit.
A few more rooms are cleared out pretty much the same way, with the people who can move okay helping the ones who can't, when she comes across the giant robot that shook the building apart. And, well, she says a few words Sarah Rogers wouldn't have approved of. It's not something she'd want to take on, but it's still going crazy and the direction its headed is leading it right towards a classroom she knows is filled with terrified kids.
Hell, she's gotten into fights she couldn't win for worse reasons. It takes her only a few seconds to find something big enough that, when she throws it at the thing, it makes a dent and grabs its attention.
"I don't know if there's anyone in there or not, but you're causing some real problems here, and I can't allow that to keep happening."
(no subject)
Following Wilson is a tactical choice. It's good strategy to know about the people who are looking for you, the people who are aiding in that hunt. And Wilson isn't just an ally of Barnes, he's a potential threat. He's military, has access to military equipment. It makes sense to shadow him every now and then, get a feel for his habits.
It doesn't make sense to stop in the VA.
It doesn't make sense to walk in, halfway through one of his meetings, and stand in the back. It's stupid to approach him like this without a plan, without knowing if she's even going to stay and let him talk to her or if she's going to just slip out like she was never here.
In a way, though, she almost fits in better here without trying than anywhere else. The room is filled with people who aren't quite sure they want to be there, who hold themselves too stiffly and eye the exits. She could almost blend in, if she tried.
It doesn't make sense to stop in the VA.
It doesn't make sense to walk in, halfway through one of his meetings, and stand in the back. It's stupid to approach him like this without a plan, without knowing if she's even going to stay and let him talk to her or if she's going to just slip out like she was never here.
In a way, though, she almost fits in better here without trying than anywhere else. The room is filled with people who aren't quite sure they want to be there, who hold themselves too stiffly and eye the exits. She could almost blend in, if she tried.