(no subject)

[wintern]

Her dreams, her memories... they're getting worse. Where before, she remembered fragments - an alley, a bright bloom of blood on someone's chest, a scream - images, mostly detached from anything too intense. But they're longer, harder to tell from reality. Instead of quick flashes, she's getting lost in them, forgetting where she is for minutes at a time before her past deposits her back into the present.

It's terrifying. Terror is not a feeling she's supposed to have context for. She thinks, for the first time in weeks, that she really is just breaking down, fracturing without Hydra to fit the pieces of her mind back together into their mold.

The third time it happens is worse than anything before. She's keeping an eye on Wilson, hidden comfortably in a crowd, and someone puts their hand on her shoulder, and she's just not there anymore. She's in a room instead, brightly lit in a way that makes her head hurt to see, and someone's gripping her shoulders, holding her in place. She's terrified, she knows what's coming and it hurts and words keep falling out of her mouth, words like no and please over and over again, a mantra that doesn't do her any good because they strap her down anyway and give her another injection.

- And then she's in the crowd again, people with their hands on her, asking if she's all right, saying they've called 911 and can she breathe okay? She just tears through them, shaking and lost and barely holding onto her knowledge of where she is (2014, it's 2014 and she is not the Winter Soldier, not Hydra's test subject anymore).

Comments

[imfollowinghim]

Bucky was supposed to be meeting Sam. Supposed to, because then he gets a text from his friend and spots movement through a crowd of confused looking people, and he's off. Sam will understand - Sam's probably rooting for him to catch up with her - and hopefully he'll stick by long enough in case he- in case they need back up.

"Steph!"

Bucky dodges and weaves through people, almost gets hit by a car trying to cross the street and barely manages an apology before he keeps going, focused only on getting to her before someone calls the cops or really tries to hold her down.

She can't get locked up again. She can't hurt anyone else who doesn't deserve it. Bucky won't let it happen.

Somehow, he manages to cut her off, and the two super soldiers nearly wind up crashing into each other. Bucky wants to reach out and grab her, pull her away from prying eyes and tell her everything's going to be okay, but he steps backwards to put some space between them, holds his hands up to show he's not reaching for her or planning anything, just in case she's not really herself.

God, this is hard.

It's probably not going to stop being hard, maybe not ever, and he'll deal with it and accept whatever this new version of his best friend, his sister, the only family he's got left was like, but it's still hard. He wishes he still knew instinctively how to help her, like when he'd used to sleep sitting upright with her so she could breathe easier, but she's unpredictable and skittish and he's still terrified she'll bolt without warning and just vanish.

"Steph, it's me, it's Bucky. Can you tell me what's wrong?"